Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.  They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh asked why his driver had been there so long. "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses!" explained the driver. "What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig." 

Another oldie, this time explaining the differences between the Internet and unplugged life.  Apparently this is from a “popular web series Red vs. Blue”, which I’ve never heard of. Real-Life-vs-Internet.wmv

An oldie now, Brett Hull on Saturday Night Live commenting about both the NHL lockout of 2004-2005 and gay marriage, which was newly legalized in Canada at the time.  And still is … no legal battles or other backward ass nonsense.   SNL-Brett-Hull-Gay-Marriage.wmv

  Remember the X-Files?  I miss the X-Files. Well, I don’t really miss season nine.  Or the second movie.  Or the “Ok, that’s a bit much now” conspiracy stuff.  It was neat at first but it got a bit long in the tooth really. Maybe I just miss being young.  Maybe I just miss my hair.     “We’re too late! It’s already been here.” “Mulder, I hope you know what you’re doing.” “Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.” “You really think someone’s been here?” “Someone, or something.” “Mulder, over here—it’s a fruitcake.” “Don’t touch it! Those things can be lethal.” “It’s O.K. There’s a note attached: ‘Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.’” “It’s judging them, Scully. It’s making a list.” “Who? What are you talking about?” “Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel ...

  Another from back in the day.   A helpful guide to the defined types of end-users for fledgling sysadmins.   El Explicito “I tried the thing, ya know, and it worked, ya know, but now it doesn’t, ya know?” Advantages: Provides interesting communication challenges. Disadvantages: So do chimps. Symptoms: Complete inability to use proper nouns Real Case: One user walked up to a certain Armenian pod manager and said, “I can’t get what I want!” The pod manager leaned back, put his hands on his belt-buckle, and said, “Well, ma’am, you’ve come to the right place.”   Mad Bomber “Well, I hit ALT-f6, shift-f8, CNTRL-f10, f4, and f9, and now it looks all weird.” Advantages: Will try to find own solution to problems. Disadvantages: User might have translated document to Navajo without meaning to. Symptoms: More than six stopped jobs in UNIX, a 2:1 code-to-letter ratio in WordPerfect Real Case: One user came in complaining that his WordPerfect document was underlined. When I used reveal codes on it, I found that he’d set and unset underline more than fifty times in his document.   Frying Pan/Fire Tactician “It didn’t work with the ...