I received a card during some customer service training seminar or other that I took in the 90's, and for some reason that card has been following me around in my piles of crap for something like 12 years. So today I'm going to transcribe it here and then burn it, so it can no longer haunt me.
(controlling words)
have to
I need (want) you to ...
You need to ...
What's your problem?
I can't/you can't
Would you mind ... ?
I'll try
I'm sorry
It's just a ...
best/worst
but
required / necessary
should / ought to
must
policy
jargon
Are you willing?
Will you?
What have you considered?
What are the options?
Which do you prefer?
What are the alternatives?
How can it be corrected?
How can I help?
What do you want me to do?
Here are some options
I made a mistake
I understand
I understand you concern
I apologize for (specific)
however
will / willing
able
unable
Oh look, there is a little copyright statement. So ... the above is taken from a card copyright 1988 Kaset International, Tampa FL. I didn't write it, except for the opening blurb. I have found that many of these words are to be avoided or used just as described, so it appears that the card is accurate ...
Seriously .. check it out: http://www.cjhl.org/sites/3333/page.asp?Site=9963&LeagueID=9963&SeasonID=33&DivisionID=29&page=Players&TeamID=49&PlayerID=4052&Section=Home
I wonder what the odds are of there not only being another Brad Lazaruk anywhere, but in Alberta. Only a few hundred kilometres from here.
I have to leave a shout out to my buddy S.D. Rhodes who runs bushleaguefactor.com. I honestly cannot help myself from laughing out loud when reading that site.
The primary point of the site is the review and rating of the logos of various minor league sports teams, from hockey and baseball leagues. But the true gems are in the “Other” section where all bets are off, and all topics are discussed.
I just finished picking myself up off the floor from reading “11-11-11”, a comment on the absurdity of people trying to attach significance to November 11th, 2011. A number of valid points in the post like:
Numerology, for those who don't know, was invented so that even people who believe in astrology would have someone to point and laugh at for being so gullible.
Another of my personal favourites from the site is “My Life of Crime” …
My wife and I have embarked on a life of crime. I was informed of this in no uncertain terms recently by the town government for the town I live in. I received this letter with official letterheard which stated "NOTIFICATION OF VIOLATION". Actually, the words were in mixed case, but I'm trying to convey how bloody huge these letters were. It was in something like 36 point type, using the Courier font, which meant the line looked like it had been written using the Jolly Green Giant's typewriter. I can only imagine trying to type on a typewriter big enough to create letters that size. Have you ever seen cartoons that show an ant or some similar creature typing by jumping from key to key? I picture a man doing that with a typewriter the size of a large desk.
My wife and I have embarked on a life of crime.
I was informed of this in no uncertain terms recently by the town government for the town I live in. I received this letter with official letterheard which stated "NOTIFICATION OF VIOLATION". Actually, the words were in mixed case, but I'm trying to convey how bloody huge these letters were. It was in something like 36 point type, using the Courier font, which meant the line looked like it had been written using the Jolly Green Giant's typewriter. I can only imagine trying to type on a typewriter big enough to create letters that size. Have you ever seen cartoons that show an ant or some similar creature typing by jumping from key to key? I picture a man doing that with a typewriter the size of a large desk.
Check it out, and try not to spit up whatever you’re drinking while you’re reading it.
Well, as much as I’m not a fan of Saturday Night Live in recent years they do have moments of brilliance. Last weekend was one of those for sure.
I mean, everyone loves Christopher Nolan’s Batman, right? And many people love to make fun of Christian Bale’s gravel voice for the Dark Knight, which personally I think is a great addition to the character. It only makes sense to disguise one’s voice and to use a more intimidating one when one is a costumed crime fighter, no?
Anyway, when you add one of my favourite actors, Steve Buscemi, to the mix then this is just comedy gold. Well done.
I have to wonder what the next interpretation of Batman will be like, since Nolan and Bale are finished with the character after 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises. I’m not sure that anyone could successfully stray too far from this version of the character in the near term. People who don’t read the comics regularly are likely not going to accept a Batman that is too far from Bale’s. That’s why I think the next version of the character needs to focus on “The Dark Knight Returns” from Frank Miller. That would allow the creators to really maintain some continuity with this version of Batman and Bruce Wayne while moving the characters to a new time, with new actors, to give the new creative team room to work.